This is the fourth blog in the series The 12 blogs of Christmas

Yesterday’s blog showed the impact of domestic abuse risk on separated fathers. Todays blog highlights a deeply personal hurt that many separated dads experience – restrictions on seeing their children. 

We tend to see the mother-child bond as paramount, so it’s easy to underestimate how deep the bond is between father and child. This new study, by myself and Louise Liddon, funded by the charity Families Need Fathers, followed 29 separated dads over the course of a year. Although the sample size was relatively small, between them they racked up hundreds of instances of child access problems and family court issues. These experiences led to what might be described as a virtual flat-line of mental wellbeing across the 12 month period of the study, with men – on average – having mental health levels bordering on clinical (i.e. potentially requiring therapy) throughout the year.

You can download the study for free by clicking the link below. This study isn’t the happiest thing to read around Christmas, but if you want to cheer yourself up, why not make a donation to Families Need Fathers, who work tirelessly to support parents who are suffering post-separation.

Tomorrow, watch out for the next blog in the series which looks at fatherhood from a totally different angle, and one rarely talked about: what happens to men who want to become fathers, but end up being childless? 

If you are a father experiencing a stressful time post-separation, you can call the Families Need Fathers helpline 0300 0330 363 (9am - 10pm Monday to Friday, 10am - 3pm at weekends). See their website for other types of help too e.g. support groups.

 In case your holiday season is less than happy, here are some places you can contact for support: 

Samaritans lines are open 24/7 (365 days) Tel 116 123 (UK & Ireland)

CALM helpline is open 365 days 5pm - midnight. Tel 0800 58 58 58. Or try the CALM webchat https://www.thecalmzone.net/help/get-help/

If you are a man experiencing domestic abuse, you can call the Mankind Initiative helpline weekdays 10am to 4pm on 01823 334244  

Dr John A. Barry is a Chartered Psychologist and Professional Researcher.  He is a leading expert in the areas of male psychology including men’s mental health and the psychological aspects of polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). His new book, Perspectives in Male Psychology: An Introduction (ISBN: 978-1-119-68535-7), co-authored with Louise Liddon, is published in the new year and is available to pre-order now.