Let he who is without sin join the circular firing squad

In 2011, 17 year old Alexi McCammond not only got a terrible grade in her chemistry paper, but also got no feedback from her Asian teaching assistant. “Thanks a lot stupid Asian TA. You’re great”, she tweeted. Eight years later this and some other tweets were commented on, and she apologised and deleted them. However in March this year, when McCammond was hired as editor of Teen Vogue, these tweets came back to haunt her, and she lost the job. 

Whatever we might think about McCammond’s comments, this modern morality tale also puts a spotlight on the right of eager online archeologists to hold judgement over everyone on the internet. 

In a world where people are ‘cancelled’ for things they said or did in the past, and where even long-dead historical characters can be cancelled too, it seems we are living in exceptionally unforgiving times. This is not such a surprising situation because, as C.S. Lewis put it, “Everyone thinks forgiveness is a lovely idea until he has something to forgive”. 

What can we do to improve this situation? It is fairly common in psychology to draw inspiration from various philosophical and religious traditions. For example, Buddhism has influenced therapists in relation to dealing with disturbing cognitions and other aspects of mental health. You don’t have to be religious to benefit from these ideas, and whether you are a Christian or not, Easter Sunday is an opportunity to think about how much Christian values might be beneficial to us psychologically. For example, Christianity has a lot to say about the power of forgiveness, and there are a lot of real world examples we can look to.  

There is evidence for mental health benefits of forgiveness, but perhaps some of the strongest examples are the ways that societies can help to heal themselves through a process called ‘truth and reconciliation’. This has been used in situations where human rights abuses have been at the centre of social problems, such as in South Africa during apartheid. Survivors of abuse can share their stories – sometimes in public events – and confront the perpetrators. Perpetrators are more likely to tell the truth about events because they are given impunity. The aim of this is not to punish, but to uncover the truth about events, so that healing can start for all. 

Truth and reconciliation commissions can offer some truly remarkable stories of forgiveness. For example Archbishop Desmond Tutu’s Forgivness Project tells of how angry South African youths stabbed and stoned to death 25 year old American scholar Amy Biehl, an anti-apartheid activist, who was driving home through their township. Her parents attended the amnesty hearings, and a year later established the Amy Biehl Foundation to help empower the young people in the township where their daughter was murdered. 

If Amy Biehl’s parents can forgive their daughter’s killers and even offer to help their community, this suggests it is possible to forgive the much less traumatic transgressions that most of use experience on social media and elsewhere. There are some obstacles to forgiveness in our modern context though. For example, much of the anger around cancel culture is based around the idea of group identity. This is unfortunate because group forgiveness is much more complex than individual forgiveness, and often relatively unsuccessful. 

Regarding group identity, there is research evidence that we are also less willing to forgive men than we are to forgive women, which of course doesn’t help in the discourse about toxic masculinity and male  criminality. 

So in conclusion, Easter is an opportunity to not only contemplate the benefits of forgiveness, but also recognise the short sightedness of being unforgiving (“Let he who is without sin cast the first stone”, “cast out the beam out of thine own eye…” etc). Going back to the story of Alexi McCammond, it is instructive that one of the people who attacked her for her tweets has subsequently been accused of having used “the N word” in her Twitter past. How many of McCammond’s other detractors have themselves said or done the wrong thing too in the past? Let he who is without sin join the circular firing squad.

About the author
Dr John A. Barry is a Chartered Psychologist and Professional Researcher. He is a leading expert in the areas of male psychology including men’s mental health and the psychological aspects of polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). His new book, Perspectives in Male Psychology: An Introduction (ISBN: 978-1-119-68535-7), co-authored with Louise Liddon, is published in the new year and is available to pre-order now.